very tiring day. EXTREMELY. fell asleep in almost every single lesson. :|

dipendra still remembered the mic thing. LOLs. and he voted for me. YAY! that makes 3 votes? :| and leonard apologised cause he voted for xiaoming. LOLs. haha.

anyway. after school me nadiah and afidah SLACKED. walk here and there with SUXUAN laa. window shopping. LOLS. cause i was looking for this tanning lotion. not the artifical salon one laa. HAHAs. i'm mad abt tanning now okay. saturday maybe going laa. not sure. somemore, it's like my birthday. haiz. my MUM say cannot go out. :| anyway, me and nadiah were like bulls in a china shop. anything we get close to will fall. SIAO laa.

wth. we were like playing with water. 2e6 have this SYRINGE trend. then i had this hunch that the lady was complaining abt us cause from her eye contact and body languase. HAIZ. kena complain again. suay laa.

i'm in love with the nokia 7370. the L'Amour collection. super nice laa. (: i wanna get for my birthday. but no hope laa... my parents wont allow me to buy. keep for my future. for my studies. haiz. once a year also cannot buy one new phone. haiz. oh wells. :|

you were there. (: i'm sorry okay.

it went okay laa. but the afternoon show MUCH better. the bus ride was NOSIY because of the kompang boys. me and afidah were like sharing this scarf in the bus as we slept. LOLs. (:

reached. stress laa. have to do makeup. but cat, dog and mouse later than do cause we have to be face-painted. :| EAT. the food okay laa. bah. got chicken.

after that. SUPER stressed laa. i looked retarded at first. 3 people working on me. in the end, they wanted to have this dumb talk. so with my incomplete face paint. one round spot. -.- LOLs. in the end, got rehearsal. i completed my makeup. with the help of nadiah, afidah and fatimah. lols. i did my eyes. my eyelashes covered with paint. LOLs.

anyway. time flew VERY VERY fast. there were people already. people should just how excited i was okay. i was like running. jumping. dancing. (: kenneth should know. what an adrenaline rush. with all the butterflies. it made me feel so nervous. so the drama went alright. (: i just dont know why people laugh at the part: "You are the clever one!" LOLs.

the drama ended well. we did AWESOME laa. kahming wasnt an energy sucker. (: lols. i guess it was amanda shouting HUDA rocks. so lame laa. my microphone wire was dangling to the side. LOLs. finally, butterflies over. but 4 more hours before the night show. i got like 2 votes. YAY! loser pls. :|

blah blah. had touch-ups. im super stubborn laa. did my own touch-ups. hahas. i dont care okay. (: night show. i was even MORE nervous. it's people that WE know. any f*** ups, they will know us. hey guess what. during the drama, things did go wrong. some of us forget our lines. or said the wrong lines. i felt like an energy-sucker. haiz.

bah. guess some people remembered the incident. that mic thing. i actually wanted to just pat my head. forgot there was a microphone. so i hit it. one loud THUD. people laughed, and they clapped. LOLs. ppl said i looked shocked. i was waiting for everyone to quiten down before i said my line. -.- wth. AHHH. oh shit.

after that. cleaned up. went out to the public. with no face paint. (: saw asilah, azizul and firdaus. LOLs. all of them remembered the microphone thing. AHH. shit man. that's the only thing they remember. craps. LOLs. yassin commented on my body shape and laughed somemore abt my mistake. so did azraf. -.-

in the bus. someone said that jia an urine into a bottle. wth. dunno if it's true laa. reached school. walked home with helmi. and he so FUNNY pls. said he afraid of dogs cause one time kena chased. (:

well, the matinee show was WAY better laa. cause that kah ming say he was less nervous. but oh well. now it's all OVER.

i've been doing this almost every single night. but recently, i've bottled them all up and i'm sick of it. so im putting it all here. (:

i realised i've changed. a little more conservative. a little more quiet. cause on my way to SP, i was sitting alone. staring at the view. i realised im unhappy in life. but i REALLY DONT KNOW WHY. i was tearing as i think about where i stand now. it feels as though i've been walking in circles. i'm not going anyway.

so, i guess i yearn for a change. i think people dislike the fact that im so extroverted and passive. oh wells. even mdm chia ask me to have more self-discipline. so if that is what she wants, that is what she gets. a more quiet girl. haiz.

cause to be honest, i dont belong. the only person in class im talking with is jiaying and jacqueline. i talk with other people but not too openly. i dont expect much from anyone. gosh. im so self-centered. talking abt myself. haiz.

karen. (: sorry for being so glummy and energy-sucking. sorry everyone for not smiling that much. for being so arrogant. for being so loud. for being TOO open about the way i feel. i'll stop it now. slowly. eventually. gosh. complicated hearts.

to YOU: i just want to see that smile you used to give me, AGAIN.

well. today in school. i was like so anti-social laa. i was like reading my book so often, instead of running around and laughing like mad. that william and melvin threw tiny eraser pieces at me and eugene. and they like acted as though the never see. RETARDED laa. so obvious. (:

bah. left school early to go to SingaporePOLY. some of the props spoil. tmr ALOT of fixing up to do... haiz. at the backstage there, a whole group of us were like watching the drama. kahming like fell asleep. LOLs. then victor+ his friend was so LAME pls. (: i sprayed water on victor's zippers. (: haha. then dunno from where got junhao laa. he really look like cheryl. very weird wear the microphone on the head. ANYTHING we say, can be heard. scary.

in the bus. a whole group of us were so HIGH. so noisy laa. junhao and friend were like steaming in the bus. LOLs. me and afidah kept on singing malay songs. (: lalalas. then ahmad got like this video of this person digging out her eyeballs. funny sia. (:

LALALAs.

ARTS FIESTA tomorrow! (:

i just really must post this laa.

it just feels like im so distant from all the people around me. i feel as thought i dont belong. and nobody befriends me. my heart feels empty. my laughter is just a cover-up for all my emotions. i cant understand WHY. oh gosh.

i used to love going to school. looking at all the lovely smiles of my friends. laughing my ass off because of all our class jokers. but now, it feels as though i dont wish to be there. i'll rather be alone, away from the public eye. cause sometimes, im sick of the people around me. so VAIN and ARROGANT. it makes me feel so distant. im stressing on the word DISTANT.

and actually, people may think im predictable and you know me. EXTROVERTED, LOUD, love to laugh. that's not really me. i'll rather be quiet. observe the people around me. and you will be surprised how people are if you observe them REALLY closely. dont you guys see? you dont see me causing havoc in class often. i will laugh but because i forced myself too.

why i feel so empty inside? birthday coming REALLY soon. but i dont think anyone cares about it. it's just a BIG joke. 1st APRIL. haiz. dont feel like celebrating. dont feel like shopping. dont wanna face the world. dont want to make my NRIC. i just wanna be alone. i am solitary.

i alone. ME.

RUSH RUSH RUSH. left early because gt arts fiesta FULL DRESS rehearsal. haiz. hate MAKEUP laa. ): but i'm super lucky. on the real day than need to wear the FACE PAINT. (: lols. anyway, helped tengku and fawlyana with the makeup. i rock. they say fawlyana's eyeshadow look like she's from space. HAHA. but fahmy said EXAGGERATE. so i did.

they say mr chia was going to watch. but he wasnt there. hope that none of the drama will f*** up laa. (: must WORK HARD. MEMORISE lines. we will put in our best. (: JIA YOU! lalalas.

checklist:

• bone collar
  
• 'DOGS go WOOF!' tshirt print
  
• chain (:
  

dont bother to blog. no one visits it right? -.- haiz. whatever man. LIFE so stressful now. haha. nevermind. MUST endure. (:

anyway. DRAMA arts fiesta coming laa. every day got to come for practise. hohos. monday get to miss last 2 period. OH YEAH! must cheer for ENGLISH drama okay. (: esp me. HAHAs. wannabe laa. too be honest i'm nervous laa. scared later i f*** up or something. (: lalalas.

birthday coming soon also. ahaha. i wanna go ESCAPE, eat pizza, buy a BIG CHOCOLATE cake and shop my butts off. whee. - 0104 i'm going to be 15.

school stinks. first thing get scolded by mdm chia for not tucking in my shirt. haiz. everytime like that laa. -.- haiz. i'm a id10t. IDIOT. yippee.

anyway, sucks laa. i sit with haziq during emaths lesson. i just ask him if he's wearing cologne, cause the smell DAMN strong laa. then she say, sorry he's taken. WTH. -.-

DRAMA rocked? pricked myself a few times cause have to take out those HUGE staples. ahh. and then burned by the hot glue. haiz. i ran 3 rounds with afidah ard the 2nd level. went up and around the 3rd floor and down with su. sprint with kah ming. PRO sia. saturday going for training again. (: hahas. me and diniy were like weird laa. both of us were BOOTY shaking. then we go and BOOTY shake on fawlyana. LOLs. he in front. i behind. damn FUNNY man.

i just dont know what to feel
something that feel so surreal
but oh well, i'll just move on
let walk, walk and then RUN. (:

i'm going to do quite badly for amaths. ALOT i dont know. and i saw wanwen's paper. she only did the 1st 2 questions. POOR THING.

oh yah. i changed place. haiz. now sitting with EUGENE leh. tt william say i break the two lovers apart. sadcase. :| anyway. gt this new girl in class. she dun understand english? i dunno. :/

recess. looked for him. (: HAHA. thought he never come. then i realise he came laa. so damn DARK lor his face. shit. must win him. i wanna go TAN.

assembly was okay laa. me and jiaying were like gossiping like SIAO laa. talk abt the girl. hoho. it's abt this girl who desperately want a bf. when she gt ahh, the guy wanna take advantage of her. bah. blah blah.

PS: stop before you go and break my heart.

overall, camp rocks. (:

first day. quite dull laa. the ice breaking game. hwaleong SABO me sia. had to act out I ASK MY LOVE. then he act blur say dunno. i kana paired up with jordon sir. then tt jacqueline took our pic sia. wth. anyway. i guess maybe because the cmapers esp sec 1s dunno each other tt's the game quite dull. (: they kept on saying the activities damn dull. oh wells. :| actually i felt quite depressed laa. almost wanted to breakdown. but i didnt. night games. well, danial said it was boring. and marjarie KICKED me sia. willie made farah scream and she cried. wth. after that, me and weichong were slacking on the tables. LOLs.

second day. rocks to the core. first gt external hunt. all the group enthu laa. eventhough only 4 groups turned up. i pity group F. kana bullied by mr tan and company. they changed our game until SIAO laa. then they cannot make it. only gt 6 points. LOLS. anyway. there was an internal conflict laa. just a few hours before the campfire. tengku threw her bottle. weichong was shouting. weiqing seemed disappointed. then mrchan had this talk. suriani cried, so did i.

but. we finally pulled it through. our MDMs helped us. (: they blew the balloons for us. and guess what? CAMPFIRE rocks. the spirit was high. everyone felt good. the cheers were awesome. EAGLES were shouting like mad. nadiah slapped jordon's face. not on purpose. :| everyone was high.

night games rocked. erwin and alvin was the centre of attention. (: they are damn adorable okay. (: they had to put the ballons butt to butt. head to butt. knee to head. weird places laa.

third day. guess everyone loved the grand finale. (: we were soaked. actually not me laa. but that alex sir. shit man. we had to turn to our right, then he soak me. only on my RIGHT. felt damn heavy. and my pants kept on dropping. they asked us to run okay. -.-

went to KFC. ate ate. then went home. fell asleep. (: CAMP ROCKS alright.

HOHOs. instead of packing my bags, i was shopping at PLAZA SINGAPURA.

thank you afidah and nadiah for being so DAMN patient. (: spent $50+ on pens and junks laa at TIMES. then we played with this toy that VIBRATES. haha. (: should have bought tt for joel's the birthday.

anyway. ate at KFC. lalalas. went home late laa. (:

BE BACK on SATURDAY. (:

can you believe it? this week is the holidays. BUT i must come to school every single freakin day. bah. wednesday super packed. got NP, drama then after that have to go jiaying HSE for IPW sia. WEAK man.

went to school early for amaths lesson. on the way saw michael sia. FUNKY man. but i totally ignored him. he like walk so slow. SHEESH. -.- joseph funny sia. me and terence laughed at him cause he made this weird sound. he said he was yawning but it sounds super HORNY laa. HOHOHOs. (:

NP is so _______ laa. did external hunt. sheesh. pei shan was like so enthu. i like heck care laa. disturb them like hell. LALALAs. after that, i throw tantrum. coz that xiangren scold for writing when alex was talking. WTH?!? tt alex said to write down the changes, so i did it. FREAKo. that mr chan ask why i so bad-tempered laa. i ignored him. WAHAHA.

everyone is saying im stressed. im not. im just smothered under pressure. (: weiqing keep on laughing at me when i make my lame comments. -.- im FINE okay. then got this like FART smell. and the whole group of us were fanning like mad. (: hahas. shermaine MDM say its from the campfire grp. LOLs. lame.

just 2 more days before everything we have done will be put to the test. i will ENDURE alright. (:

it has been 1 LONG week for me. too STRESSED man. so many things, barely any time. i've been complaining non-stop to everyone about my homework, CCA etc. haha. THANKS loads to those who bothered to listen.

anyway, thanks diniy for asking abt why i was so stressed up. LOLS. i only answered with a pathetic laughter. :X cause honestly, i cant explain it laa. didnt mean to breakdown and cry during drama, but i feel as though the whole world is on my shoulders and no one is lending a helping hand. OR maybe im just not accepting help. oh well. i'm sorry for being so hard-headed and stubborn. but it's just one of my values in life: if you want things to be done, DO IT YOURSELF. (: haha.

today is EL day. 1e1 is so cool laa. at first, the group of us sec 3s were so confused, we dont know the game or even a slightess clue what to do. LOLs. anyway, finally gt back on track. ran with the 5 committee members of 1e1. they were great laa, VERY fast okay. 3 mins. then, iskandar did this very cute dance with his friend, using the idiom "Dont put all your eggs in a basket." FUNNY pls. (:

after that, swapped. had to do play CHARADES. lols. they were great, quite enthu laa. and that GARY keep on bullying me. -.- wth. next, the banner making. there's one group which made an AMAZING banner. then another one put in ALOT of effort to PAINT okay. stained my shirt. LOLs.

RECESS with all the other helpers. zech is so adorable. after that, played boggle. hongcherh extremely pro okay. both of us BEAT ms tan cause we got more words. WAHAHA!

i threw away my POOH watch. ): so sorry...

SERVICE day was great, okay actually. as usual, i'm just a team members... not that i'm not happy or anything but they never ever put me as IC for anything. so. OH WELL. (: nizam is so muscular laa. our advisor gavin rocks pls. let us skip some houses cause we were afraid of dogs. (: i'm corporal!

sadly, LOVE you no more. :|

haha. today is so xialan.

played block-catching laa. got DAMN lots of ppl. hueylin and karen the catcher. then the whole bunch of us played lor. wth. cant believe gt ian and kenneth. maybe because of HER*. haha.

in the end, have to end the game. cause gt ppl COMPLAIN sia. wth. spoiler. in the end, we didnt play anything laa. bah. i was rollerblading, then i fell sia. on my BUTT and on the drain. damn pain seh. wth.

after that, negotiate abt SOMETHING with jiaying and my gang. wahaha. JASmine, dont change what your HEART says with what someone else says. she has no right to make you feel bad for something that was fated to be. let nature take its course alright. (:

LALAs. cross country is so FUN. (:

bah. gt into the bus ah, DAMN packed sia. the whole 25 of us EAGLES were in it. LOLs. then junlin also came early laa. when we reach, everyone of us wase like LATE by more than 30mins.

i wanted to be in charge or the MILO truck. in the end, have to take care of this pathway. LOLs. nvm. had fun CHEERING like mad. it's really nice to see ppl smile back at you when you SHOUT out their name. lol. then gt this one NP Sec 1. i ask if he wanted water, then he took my water sia, but i FORGOT i opened the bottle already. HAHAs. then, gt this one boy, ask me take his shoe for the mean time. LOL. had trouble finding him. one girl pass me 100 plus which in the end i passed to JASMINE. (: lols. so fun can.

overall had quite a good time, looking at all the ppl run. NIGEL run damn funny sia. with his mouth open and all. lol. ZHIYUAN amazed me pls. he gt 3rd i think. then. MICHAEL rocks laa. he actually intended to walk to the finish, then i cheered until he ran. WAHAHA. bah. behind him guoqiang sia. LOL. his new target.

after that went to hgpt. LOLs. gt HIM HER THEM THEY. lol. we were eating LOADS of fries pls. (: