BUSY BUSY week okay. and i'm TOO lazy to update. dont care laa. CONTENT with life. LALALALA. JINX ROCKS MORE THAN PSYDUCK! ((:

SPEECH DAY was yesterday. i was going mad polishing my boots the previous day laa. -.- but heck. the parade was so _______ laa. we had to wait for the VIP for like VEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRY long. a lot of people fall out. )): my back was killing me. i kept fidgeting. i was naturally shivering and my legs felt numb. NADIAH & EUSIN said they fell asleep. LOL. and HWALEONG fall out leh. i saw him put his hand on his chest. he got asthma. AWW. parade started and ended. ((: it went fine. i didnt screw up, i think. HAHA. ((: CHEERS.


PHOTO SESSION during the break. Here's some pics, HAHA:




FIVESOME! ((:




JACQUELINE with and OREO in her mouth.




FADLY popped up from nowhere. LOL.




MOOBS and the KINGKONGs. ((:




DISTORTED pic of HWALEONG. CUTE tsai.


not enough time to finish talking pic. I WANT TO TAKE PIC WITH BEAR laa. and kahming also. ((: HAHA. that HOT guy from NCC. LOL. need to do cheer. i took a AMATEUR video of the cheer. only cn see their back view. but, i dont care. ((: LAZY upload, come find me if you want to see it. ((:




had time to take this pic with NAZURAH. HAHA.


anyway. that was the end of speech day. i didnt eat but drank tea only. and i forced EUSIN to help me take SUGAR and spoon. i was asking everyone, "Can you help take spoon/sugar?" in the end eusin help me. HAHA. so nice. anyway... MORE PICS.




EDNA was yawning. :|




NCC people. Can you spot kahming. YISIN's face was distorted. ((:




I forced him to take pic with me. (((((((((: YAY! bt caleb mess up my hair. -.-

oh. DEEPARAYA concert. and fawlyana was shaking her booty. MAD woman. the danial, fadly gang were doing their HIPHOP routine. one part was HEEEEEEELARIOUS. ((:


aww. speech day rehearsal again. that jaclyn was touching me. -.- then ah... OH MY. i fell in front of scouts and NCC leh. ): then very MALU laa. ((: saw the NCC JOEL, so i just thick skin pretend nothing happened. anyway screwed up parade WORST. well, i should blame myself laa. i'm a really bad CC. ): haha. left a HUUUUUUUUUUUGE gap between the NCC GOH and the supporting contingent. AWW. SCREWED UP.


oh. that mariani was so mean. FORCED to bersurai the squad. )): sian. i crack my voice as usual. HAHA. kahming looks hot marching. ((: VERY SMART. LALALALA. EUSIN; amazing you know about how i feel laa. -.- i only show cold shoulder to you all mah. but i still HATE it. i feel like a failure. ):


- cause it's all that I've got.

haha. stole this from my bro's table. a lot seem to be troubled. so here's something to relax your minds. i wont post whiny posts today. ((: TOO TIRED OF COMPLAINING. Here it is:31 days & 31 ways to beat stress. those that are BIGGER are those that i find rather useful. the rest i guess i dont understand what it means. ((:


Day 1 Take a Deep Breath
Lowers blood pressure pulse. In through the nose out through the mouth.

Day 2 Exercise
Burn stress hormones & get a psychological lift.

Day 3 Eat Well
When craving a snack, choose a crunchy one. It releases jaw tension.

Day 4 Meditate
It maybe the most effective stress reducer known!

Day 5 Get A Message
It reduces anxiety & hostility & increses vigor.

Day 6 Laugh It Off
It actually helps reduce the psychological stress effects.

Day 7 Plan Getaways
Have something to look forward to after the daily grind.

Day 8 Guided Imagery
Relax by picturing yourself in a soothing scene.

Day 9 Get a Pet
Pet owners have lower blood pressure.

Day 10 Keep a Journal
Writing about problems make them seem manageble.

Day 11 Aromatherapy
Keep flowers, fruit, etc... on your desk. It can relax you.

Day 12 Use technology
Use voice mail, & the off button on your phone.

Day 13 Take Vacations
More innovations come from people who take vacations.

Day 14 Keep Gas Tank Full
You won't have time to stop when you don't have time.

Day 15 Keep Essential
Umbrella, safety pins, etc. at work.

Day 16 Keep A Few Dollars
Keep a little $ in your desk, car, and home for emergencies.

Day 17 Stock Up
Stock up on items you need at home, so you don't panic when you run out.

Day 18 Plan Day Before
Plan your daily to-do's the day before for both home & work.

Day 19 Red Adhesive Dots
Put one on the phone, computer, etc. When you see it, take a deep breath.

Day 20 Finances/Budget
Decide how much $ you really need. Make a budget and stick to it.

Day 21 Muscle Relaxation
Make tight fist for 5 seconds, then relax. Do same for all muscle groups.

Day 22 Be Assertive
You will not always get what you want but you will displace anger.

Day 23 Guilty Pleasures
A day off mid-week or some other enjoyment. You'll be recharged.

Day 24 Dont Procrastinate
Break down large tasks into manageable pieces.

Day 25 Plan Real Time
Don't try to cram too much into a little time. It causes tension & frustration.

Day 26 Transition
Take 20 minutes to shift gears when going from work to home.

Day 27 Don't Swallow Anger
People who hold their tmeper may die earlier than those who blow off steam.

Day 28 Delegets
Recruit family, friends, and peers to help.

Day 29 Relax standards
Who says everything, must always be perfect?

Day 30 Don't Worry
Guilt about the past & worry about the future are wasted emotions.

Day 31 What Do You Want?
Determine your goals & values. Match them to your circumstances. Make changes.

"That could have been me."


so. 2 entries in a day. ((: i must be bored. anyway. i checked my BMI today. 17.1!?! i'm underweight. GOODNESS. just need to gain 2 KG of fats/muscles and i'll be FINE. holidays i'm going to eat to my heart's content. ((: i want to be chubby not just skin and bones. no wonder my body keeps aching, cause there's barely any fats/excess skin to allow me to stretch with ease. DARN.


there's school today. )): meaning there's rehearsal. FULL DRESS laa. and so, i couldnt really hide my envy for those people wearing white. and while i was standing behind the GOH contingent, i was saying to myself, "That could have been me." goodness. )): i cant help but feel hopeless. and everytime THEY are ard, i feel inferior. cause i know i'm not good enough to talk to them. and i dont deserve to be even near them.


yisin was very moody today. BLESS him. anyway, after the WHOLE thing was over. only a few of the GOH people notice me. i guess i've degraded to a 3rd class cadet in NPCC. NEVER GNG TO BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM. thanks WEEKEE, SHAOHUI, GHIMHONG, JIAYING, reBEARca, WEICHONG, SIONGPO, VERONICA, NADIAH. thanks for your company. (:


SHAOHUI; i promised you a post. well, i didnt expect you to tear in the toilet. guess every one was JUST TIRED. we can do it. i'll always be supporting you all, from the back. ((: and, heck to those ppl who think they're so darn good. i know you rock woman. thanks for being there when i was abt to break down and cry.


REBEARCA; REBECCA the BEAR. you teared with me also. you forced me to cry laa. EVIL. -.- and your face and those tears rolling down your cheeks...oh gosh. i'm SORRY. i feel like i'm just troubling you with all my crap. but thanks for being there. and even that HAMSTER JOEL. thanks for the fun nights of chatting. you will do great as a PARADE MARKER. i have faith in you.


JIAYING; you're strong woman. i've felt your emotions before alright. that incident left a sharp acute pain in your heart. darn it. some people are just INHUMAN and HEARTLESS. but, you musnt show them that you are vulnerable. make your weakness be your strength. everytime i see him, i'll fake a stern look. you know that you are WAY better than whatever he may think of you. ((: thanks for the ICE again.


GHIMHONG; well, after the GOH selection...we like actually talked to each other. -.- stop calling me a faggot pls. and, i know YOU TOO feel the hurt. cause i know you're good enough to be in the GOH. but why werent you chosen? i wished you were the CC. cause you wouldnt screw up the command again and again. thank you for being there. to make me immune to my WEAK self-confidence. your strict words, i respect it. it really made me think of the bigger picture. THANK YOU, faggot. ((:


- it hurts to let go of your emotions. it hurts so much more holding it all back.

MAMA; for all your hard work. working REALLY hard, just to raise 3 KIDS up. ((: gosh. and rarely will you ever complain. even when you were sick, your legs were sore. you had a fever. NOTHING COULD HOLD YOU DOWN, WOMAN! i bet many kids will desire you as their MUM. she's MINE MINE MINE! i know she thinks a lot. her head of GREY hair. and, kids now want so badly to do smth and get smth of equal value in return. THINK laa. your mum had gone through so much just to get where we are today. not once, do we ever think of them. how many times have you said THANK YOU to your mum for all she has done for you?


PAPA; he comes home at 6++. all tanned and sweaty. especially during these last few days of fasting, i could sense he was worn down by fatigue. but, HE NEVER BROKE HIS FAST. goodness. i respect that. he is BIG, BLACK & SEXY. you should see him in his singlet. ((:


both my MAMA and PAPA share smth. THE KIDS. i know, they dont buy new HARI RAYA clothes for themselves. they think of us first. )): I FEEL SELFISH. i know that this year, i prayed for our happiness. i dont mind if i dont LOADS of cash this year. just hope for us to enjoy this year as a family. NO ARGUMENTS, NO MISUNDERSTANDINGS!





<33 LOVEs

aww. just finished emo-ing watching the whole MIDORI DAYS series. aww. just like BEAR said, the ending was touching. i screamed when that ayase confessed. HOHOs. ((: aww. LOVE it. BEAR; you got me addicted to anime again. finished watching Rurouni Kenshin, Ayashi No Ceres & Midori Days. darn. intend to watch Inuyasha, Shaman King & Ranma 1/2 during the holidays. but there's like DARN lots of episodes to catch up on. must start now. ((:


and i SERIOUSLY thought that today was wednesay. if ghimhong never say, i might have forgotten that there's school tmr. -.- GOODNESS. ahh. NPCC. somehow i'm glad that i'm not in GOH. cause i gt to experience smth some of the GOH nvr felt. ((: i'm honoured. and i will embrace it. but HONESTLY, i'm not worthy. DARN.





- i will let this shortcoming be a strength. cause i know something good is bound to happen.

never study cause today got SPEECH DAY REHEARSAL. the morning was fine. the sun was very forgiving. ahh. but i screwed my COMMAND laa. then my marching was crap. i totally made the WHOLE contingent lose face. DARN IT. )): that jason and ghimhong keep laughing. AHHHHHH. -.-


afternoon felt like hell. my throat was DRY. every layer of saliva in my mouth and throat felt like it has EVAPORATED TO DRYNESS. hohos. my back was KILLING me. so, junlin took over. (: and he was so funny laa. dont know what to do. SHAOHUI; we were LMAOing looking at people march. YIPPEE. remember NOT to swing arm. blah.


GOODNESS. i was TRYING to sleep in the np room laa. cause gt this cheapskate chair. HAHA. then that EUSIN walk in. hwaleong also. so XL laa. -.- and I HATE DOING CHEERS IN THAT CRAMPED UP CORNER WITH NO PLACE TO BREATHE BUT PEOPLE'S _______. darn.


then, that mr kelvin lim said gt one more training. WHAT?!? darn it. my throat was SUPER dry. even if i wash my face, MY THROAT STILL DRY. -.- bah. then ah, mr chan let those MALAYS in the contingent to fall out. LUCKY THEM. oh, KINGKONG sis; actually, i didnt want to fall out. i had a responsibility already. MUST take on every opportunity to train. ((:


darn. KINGKONG sis was so darn nice to get me some F-O-C ICE. ((: i put on my cheeks and i didnt realise it was so darn cold until nadiah said so. -.- i temporary changed CCA. cause i was sleeping in the redcross room with the ICE. woke up, the ICE melt. then i train with them laa. ((: YIPPEE.


i didnt realise i had a fever. WHEEEEEEEEEE.

darn it. today got back a lot of the results. HECK. as expected, i didnt get any As or Bs. well, i should be thankful that i passed. BLESS those who had their hearts broken by their result. oh LI JUAN. ): and the ahHOCK was so high when he gave cheryl her birthday gift. GOODNESS. he talked to me like a teenage girl who finally talked to her secret crush. ((:


and i felt super mean cause me and nadiah PHONE-napped eugene's phone. SORRY. blah. we totally gt bored and switched the batteries. HE GOT 2 NEW MSGES leh. ((: so ask bear to call his house, BLAH. he sound so darn SLEEEEEEEEEPY. oh well.


once again, i question your integrity. your sincerity. who you really are? i feel like everytime i found smth i'm excelling in...you just find ways to prove that you are better or i am not good enough. i know you're an opportunist. you crave attention. DARN it. LET ME BE.

"Cause I know I'm not alone in this...HEARTBREAK."


got NPCC training, AGAIN?!? blah. then just go lor. REJOICE; veron and nadiah came. ((: then more GRYPHONS came also. you've got to love them. then OH FAECES, i had to become the CC. -.- i seriously dont know what to do. salute, i also dont know when. the the march past ah... it's like i'm only supposed to salute, but i swing my arm also. i must have looked SUUUUUUUUUUUUPER dumb. ((: whee. i'm honoured.


the GOH selection is both a BLESSING&CURSE. curse cause it tore the EAGLES apart. blessing cause i've found a WHOLE NEW respect for the gryphons. like i said before, i felt so COMFORTABLE & at home with them. ((: bless them for making me feel so darn good about myself. HOHOs. and to jacqueline, ghimhong, junlin, veronica, nadiah...: i seriously respect you guys. even SHANE! with his sexy grey underwear. Cause I know I'm not alone in this...HEARTBREAK.

yeah. it's midnight but i just cant sleep. :| and i got bored and so i looked at my past blog entries. and my FIRST BLOG. it's out there somewhere. ((: and i know nothing can ever make me feel the way i felt at that moment; writing that post.


i remembered my sec 2 year. ((: 2E1 "PUNKERS" and our class cheer. MODERN DANCE with zaki around. ARTS FIESTA. SYF 2005. DRAMA club. Sport's Day. Cheerleading. and whatever left. i missed it dearly. i want to relive again. I WISH. i'm missing it badly laa. :/



Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me
but today I'm fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you.

HURRAY! today was the graduation day for the seniors. i was super nervous laa. had to be in-charge of 4A1. i didnt mind cause got yassin and farzhani in the class. ((: bah. i dont like it when people stereotype thinking that the acad or the technical classes are hard to manage or smth. THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS ALSO laa. if you treat them nice, dont dao them. they will be good to you too.


the show was like super sian laa. watch all those old pics. and it went on and on and on and on and on... then speeches. then finally, the teacher's tribute. MR CHAN was funky playing the tabla. he keep gripping his mouth close. ahh. you guys should have seen it. ((:


then aiyah...SIAN. still got NPCC. have to go home, change. -.- that joseph didnt know got NCC training leh. LOL. BLUR KIA. sian ah. some of the MINORITY eagles didnt turn up. i'm talking about those non-GOH people. it didnt go as bad laa. for some weird reason, i felt so at home and comfortable with the GRYPHONS. bah. wont talk much. ((: haiz. EAGLES, we can never be the eagles we used to be. Sorry, the GOH selection has screwed us up. i say it cause i mean it.


anyway. yesterday blogger was mad. )): could post. HAHA. but my thighs are killing me cause had to do "PUNISHMENT" for the malay enrichment course. and fasting has taken an EXTREMELY heavy toll on me. i'm restless, sleep is not a cure here. my throat feels dry and SWOLLEN. i've lost weight. but i shouldt complain laa. anyway, i've realised the exams are over but there's MORE stuff to do.

• BONDING day
  
• class tee design
  
• find and buy new REVISION books WITH ANSWERS!!!
  
• read BIOLOGY chp 16 & 17
  

that should be all so far. HAIZ. i'm just hoping i wont breakdown. I PRAY.

okay. i was supposed to go to school today. but i didnt know. ahhock call at night when i was HALF-ASLEEP, and said something. but i wasnt listening. something about the graduation thing. but i just said okay so that he would shut up and let me sleep. ((: NEVERMIND laa.


and i promised myself i would do something important today. but i didnt. )): haha. there's school tomorrow k. i asked DAMN LOTS OF PEOPLE. so, CONFIRM got school. WAH SIAN. anyway, reBEARca was nice enough to send some photos.




GUILTY! EUGENE LIM for looking like loser.



GUILTY! Siong Po caught for showing too much skin.



GUILTY! Weiqing caught looking sexy without wearing specs.



GUILTY! Hwa Leong for looking at people's buttocks. SHAME ON HIM!

GUILTY! Nadiah caught half-naked.

the SA2 has come to a close. and yet the O level keeps getting nearer. honestly, I ASSUME i had done badly. not a single drip of confidence if i can score well. let fate decide. too tired to blog anymore. ):

I LOST 5 KG! all my efforts to gain weight has gone down the drain. i ate a lot of junk foods at night laa. but still no use! wth. i think i'm skinny as i am already. BLAH. must be the exam fever. thus, i can conclude that STRESS = UNPLANNED WEIGHT LOSS. dont care laa. after fasting period is over, i'm going to eat more. WAHAHA. wah sian. 3 more papers to go!! ALL THE BEST. ((:

it's been a hell of a roller coaster ride this week. ((: somehow, i'm loving the extra pressure. the extra effort i'm TRYING to put in. that extra time with them. ((: it rocks alright. and we went to NTUC every day. i love them. ahh. IAN and WASI stole our favourite studying spot leh. -.- now have to share.


once again, dont want to talk about the test. LALALALALA. i'm praying for all the best laa. and i'm hoping WE, YOU, THEY, HIM & HER can do well. and i'm hoping you finally get what you wanted. ((:


and. next wednesday we will be putting up decorations for our seniors. ((: REALLY EXCITED, and i want to something special for them. I LOVE THEM laa.

Goodbye beloved one
Do you know what I am
If you don't see my face no more...