"That could have been me."


so. 2 entries in a day. ((: i must be bored. anyway. i checked my BMI today. 17.1!?! i'm underweight. GOODNESS. just need to gain 2 KG of fats/muscles and i'll be FINE. holidays i'm going to eat to my heart's content. ((: i want to be chubby not just skin and bones. no wonder my body keeps aching, cause there's barely any fats/excess skin to allow me to stretch with ease. DARN.


there's school today. )): meaning there's rehearsal. FULL DRESS laa. and so, i couldnt really hide my envy for those people wearing white. and while i was standing behind the GOH contingent, i was saying to myself, "That could have been me." goodness. )): i cant help but feel hopeless. and everytime THEY are ard, i feel inferior. cause i know i'm not good enough to talk to them. and i dont deserve to be even near them.


yisin was very moody today. BLESS him. anyway, after the WHOLE thing was over. only a few of the GOH people notice me. i guess i've degraded to a 3rd class cadet in NPCC. NEVER GNG TO BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM. thanks WEEKEE, SHAOHUI, GHIMHONG, JIAYING, reBEARca, WEICHONG, SIONGPO, VERONICA, NADIAH. thanks for your company. (:


SHAOHUI; i promised you a post. well, i didnt expect you to tear in the toilet. guess every one was JUST TIRED. we can do it. i'll always be supporting you all, from the back. ((: and, heck to those ppl who think they're so darn good. i know you rock woman. thanks for being there when i was abt to break down and cry.


REBEARCA; REBECCA the BEAR. you teared with me also. you forced me to cry laa. EVIL. -.- and your face and those tears rolling down your cheeks...oh gosh. i'm SORRY. i feel like i'm just troubling you with all my crap. but thanks for being there. and even that HAMSTER JOEL. thanks for the fun nights of chatting. you will do great as a PARADE MARKER. i have faith in you.


JIAYING; you're strong woman. i've felt your emotions before alright. that incident left a sharp acute pain in your heart. darn it. some people are just INHUMAN and HEARTLESS. but, you musnt show them that you are vulnerable. make your weakness be your strength. everytime i see him, i'll fake a stern look. you know that you are WAY better than whatever he may think of you. ((: thanks for the ICE again.


GHIMHONG; well, after the GOH selection...we like actually talked to each other. -.- stop calling me a faggot pls. and, i know YOU TOO feel the hurt. cause i know you're good enough to be in the GOH. but why werent you chosen? i wished you were the CC. cause you wouldnt screw up the command again and again. thank you for being there. to make me immune to my WEAK self-confidence. your strict words, i respect it. it really made me think of the bigger picture. THANK YOU, faggot. ((:


- it hurts to let go of your emotions. it hurts so much more holding it all back.