Depressed like by 1.67 times more than yesterday because I have been pretty much disconnected from the world and people. I kept throwing hissy fits at mum cause I'm not the perfect son like my brother is. His imperfections are overshadowed by his, I guess, good looks, hardworking attitude (cause he works unlike me who has ZERO working experience), always trying his best, getting bullied, and blah blah. When you potray yourself as this vulnerable person, people around you shall try their best to protect you and to make sure that you won't cave in on your emotions (whatever that means).

What about those who are "strong"? Leave them to die when they're bleeding in the battle grounds cause you think that they can survive on their own. Watch me die slowly as I drown myself in my own puddle of blood because every one is too blind to see that I need their help too. I need a blood tranfusion right away then.

I have been pretty much independent my whole life. Other kindergarden kids have their parents' waiting for them after lesson, but not me. I knew I could go home on my own, just because I can. Similar to now, I will rather be independent doing a group project. You get more things done at your own pace, instead of waiting for others to get their part done. Like waiting for the rain to fall in drought-ladened Africa...

Just feeling a little down.

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On a lighter note, I still support Felipe Massa. Cause I saw his patient eyes while he was waiting for somebody to pull the fuel pipe from his car. Cool stuff. Yesterday was a totally screwed day for him though. Like seriously. Alonso must have kept a lucky rabbits' foot in his car or something. 14 positions up, that is like, A MIRACLE. WOOT! Anyway, it is like so much harder to get nice pictures of Massa as compared to Lewis Hamilton (cause Lewis has like puppy dog eyes & there is like about a few millions pictures of him *drools*) Nelson piquet is like hot too. (:

Went out to the Botanic Gardens, yet again, for Outing 1 planning. Saw more things as we had Bryan leading the way and secondly, because we didn't spend the day screaming at creepy spiders, squirrels and weird noises in the rain forest. The merciful sun was generous with her tears and it kept us cool during the whole hike. (: Took pretty landscape pictures and the swans were especially close with us. They were like CENTIMETRES away from us. It's cooler than watching the F1 race. Seriously, they have to drive like...50 laps around the same track. The cars (and men!) are no doubt the coolest.

I really want to shop. With fasting month coming to an end, it can mean a few things - FOOD&FOOD&FOOD & money. Well not forgetting, meeting long lost aunts and uncles. Usually get bloated after a days' worth of HARI RAYA-ing as fizzy drinks (cheap + practical + people pleaser) are served in basically all the houses. Anyway, about shopping. Here are the list of things that I intend to buy and/or do(tentative plan):

1. White Babydoll T-shirt
   
2. White/Grey Skinnies
   
3. Aviators
   
4. Black Capris
   
5. Black T-Bar Sandals/Stilettos
   
6. Black Booties
   
7. Black Ladies' Document Bag
   
8. Transparent Pencil Case (Black trimming)
   
9. BLACK SCISSORS
   
10. Promised Dinner Date
    
11. WWW with BX
    

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PUBLICITY STUNT

Putting all those materialistic thoughts aside, the Logo + T-shirt Design Contest is starting soon. Visit the official site. ♥

Dearest computer, you are my companion through the cold, sleepless nights of doing countless number of payless work that keep piling in more each day. I wish that someone will be willing to share the load but then again, what am I hoping for? Every one has a life, but not me. Every one has something important to attend to, but not me right? Why do I even bother to help, but when it is my turn, getting help seems so difficult/unwilling or even never there at all?

Self, why won't you ever say no?

I bet you think this post is about. And so what if it is?

I'm lagging by 3 days of exciting events. Like seriously, I haven't seen daylight in a while. Sad sad life. (:

(1) BOTANICAL GARDENS
In order to prepare for HSSSC Official FIRST OUTING, on the 16th of October (SAT)...*hint**hint*, SHUYUN and I went to check out the venue. I promise you we didnt expect to get up close and personal with nature, as much as we did. Like, spiders freaked the hell out of us. Worst if they are ON YOU. I'm a living, breathing, traumatised, victim. Shu "scared-of-spiders" Yun, decided to maybe invent an umbrella with plastic coverings to shield her from the harsh environments of the Singapore Botanic Gardens. SNORTS! We got freaked out so many times okay. By spiders, bees, squirrels and weird noises in the forests. BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID.

Anyway, SHU "scared-of-spiders" YUN made pretty, yummy cupcakes.



(2) Magical Autumn II
I came earlier than I expect myself to come. HAHA! We made a pretty poster that ended up to be pretty...(what's the word) useless as the place was SUPER DARK after 7pm! Anyway, we had a lot of fun pasting gay flowers around the booth and hanging biscuits and lanterns. Did I say the place was super dark? We had a lot of fun though. Sweating out butts off and watching people pull their hair just to tie one of the knots.

It was fun, fun, fun. Took pictures at the photography booth like nobody's business. My hand shook as I hold the lantern, cause I felt like a walking fire hazard. Mich and I screamed when we heard the Mass Dance song and rushed to find our own personal space to D-A-N-C-E. HAHA. And another news,

I LOST MY BLACK SCISSORS! You know I have a horrible fetish for black stationaries, how depressing is that man.

MISSING!

(3) FOOOOOSBALL
Forgot to bring any form of communication devices. No handphone and no watch to know the time. DEPRESSING MUCH? Ended up 2 hours early. What a day, and I thought I woke up to a great morning. HEHE.

We were 2 members short in the end. HEHE. Thankfully, jessica persuaded/seduced her friend to play for us. So touched. Our competition were big, muscular dudes with heights > 1.7m, wearing those nike/adidias soccer boots (you know those that have a flap to cover the bootlace), and they also have facial hair. (: So that was a generalisation, but well, you get my point. They looked like they got some serious skills. HSS people (with the exception of Bryan) looked so frail and puny.

Thankfully, they showed some serious mercy, and were not as rough. HAHA! They even apologized if we did the kicking okay! MUAHAHAHA! Enjoyed it okay. Basically we had a simple strategy:

The girls act as midfielders and just scream the whole match.

HAHA! Sharda was the coolest. Joel was super awesome, with his golden foot, we scored out first goal. Alex Tee was a great keeper with his fakies and all. LOVES.

After the brutally fun foosball game, a group of us went to TM to like slack. And a little boy said the word "smelly". MUAHAHA! JOEL, DEON, they know it's you.

Mum was rummaging through the store and she found my old box of Barbie. I didn't realise how attached I was to them until I hold the doll in my hands and actually remembered moments where I 'role-played' in my younger days. Her hair was pretty messed up but as usual, Barbies shall always have the perfect make-up, on their perfect features, plus their perfect hour-glass body and to top it off, the perfect smile. My favourite was a Ballerina Barbie with built-in white pantyhose and ballet slippers. This meant she can't wear any other shoes except for boots. HEH. There was something about her that I like a lot, can't seem to put my hands around it. OH WELL.

Didn't take any pictures even though I wanted to. You know, for memories' sake before they're going to be gone for good. I know doing that would just make it so much harder. Watched JUNO (at like freaking 3am in the morning), and cried during the ending because, well, I know exactly why she was having that bittersweet moment. It's time I let go of my Barbies. Seriously, goodbye.

This song is from Toy Story 2. Describes the story of a toy. From the time when the owner played with her all day to the time she grew up and well, stopped playing with her. Just watch the movie, really loved the song.

WHEN SOMEBODY LOVE ME;
When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart
And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears
And when she was happy, so was i, when she loved me.

Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all
Just she and I together, like it was meant to be
And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me.

So the years went by, I stayed the same
And she began to drift away, I was left alone
Still I waited for the day, when she’d say "i will always love you."

Lonely and forgotten, never thought she’d look my way,
She smiled at me and held me, just like she used to do,
Like she loved me, when she loved me

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful,
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart
When she loved me. - Sarah McLachlan

It's hard, you know, to move on and leave things that you love.

HAH! Blog debut with old posts and profile and all. I don't give a... okay. These few days were filled with a lot of tension and I really wanted the time to get myself back together. I had to listen to MCR and Yellowcard CDs just so I can release any form of anguish. & repeating it again and again for the past few days. & saying things like sh_t, screw and sucks really helped too. (:

THANK YOU FOR THE VENOM;
So give me all your poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me ill
You're running after something
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want
Then fire at will


Shall get myself centered now. Results are out and somebody (you know who you are) got GPA 4.0. *shoots head like a million times* AHHHHHH! & CONGRATS Joel for doing so well too! GOOD JOB everyone, anyone. :D SHUYUN, I WANT MY CUPCAKE. (:

I have some serious issues to deal with now. All the bottled up unspoken feelings are raging to get out. If I had a gun (water gun), I would go on a shooting rampage. Being in a situation when you don't speak, you hurt yourself. When you do speak, others get hurt. For me, hurting others is the same as hurting oneself. You are what the people around you are. Seriously. When you feel down, I feel like crap too.

I need to come clean. Like bleach clean. Iron-dried. & then sew back all the loose ends. Simply had enough of all the fake excuses. FAKE, FAKE, FAKE. I apologize, it's not like I had any say when I got this. But you did. You chose to be what you are now. What is with all the dumb, lame excuses you keep giving?

Ever heard of empathy. Screw you, I've had enough! Too much giving, it gets tiring to be nice. If you treat this like just another hobby or a forced responsibility, well, it definitely wasn't. Who was the one who stood in front giving their visions and mission and making all those empty promises? COnfidently, you stood there like you meant what you say. Mind you, all those are just words. Where is the action? Why don't you walk the talk?

You told me how to improve myself and my position but what about you? All talk. Maybe if you were any good, you could have handled it better. But no, you screwed up just as bad as me. Eat your own sh>t won't you. I've been pushed in this ditch and I know I can't get out of it alone. Where are you then? I made this my top priority, sometimes even before my family or friends, if I have any left. All these while, I had to put off plans cause I know what I am and what I have to do. Come on, I have a life too. But when I'm doing all of this sh>t alone, how much time do I have left to live?

So, damn it. Why don't you just do your job well and we can get it over and done with? Where's your heart in this? Let me tell you one thing, JUST SHUT UP and DO SOMETHING. I hate when people say they tried their best and hence, they should get an 'A' for effort. Life's not like that, you need PROVE to show your effort and one of the best ways is to make that something a success.

You're tired? Isn't it you, yourself, who put yourself into all this sh>t? I'm wasting all this effort worrying about everyone's progress that it's beginning to lose all its incentive values. Why don't I just get myself out of this sh>t and may all of you do everything that I am doing now. I'm putting in all this effort for what again? You don't understand just how much I had to struggle initially. Seriously, you won't know. The least that you could do is do the smallest of things, like taking the initiative to do what you were meant to do anyway. Screw those people who put others off. Manpower is low and the reliable ones are already involved.

SCREW YOU.

Bus trips are always filled with thoughts. Deep thoughts. Things that are undone and I want to get it done. How to do it, when to do it, etc. Honestly, why do I do that? I should be taking the time to rest and enjoy the holidays. Oh wait, what holidays? Don't tell me it started already. I need to go overseas. Away from the computer. Seriously.

Got to talk with shuyun about some serious issues/sh_t. We need to do this more.

As my blog entries are now...INVISIBLE, I shall blog. MUAHAHA. Anyway, took quite a lot of pictures during PRE-Teacher's Day at HS. Shall bore myself with the details.

Met up with NADIAH super early (9AM is early okay!) to finish up Afidah's birthday present. The picture on the right is just a hint of the present. (: OKAY, so it wasn't original. (It's like those coloured boards where typical girls put pictures and wrote sweet words with their cute handwriting scripts and says things like 'Happy Seventeen' thinking it was like cool or something - I must admit, I'm guilty for all of those! EEP!) Saw FAWLYANA♥ and Jemie, they all. Fawly was really sweet okay! She like screamed like nobody's business when she saw us. MISS YOU GIRL! BX came and we ATE the mind you, two-dollar-meal. (:

Met with lots of ALUMNIs. Most of the JC students were not there yet. How sad. Watched the concert and awe-d at the Sec 1 students who can sing, like really well. & JASMINE dancing with her skinnies. PROUD OF YOU GIRL! HEHE. She saw me earlier and went, "OH. I didn't know it was you." *snort*

It was really and awesome day. Meeting all my past classmates. So... PICTURE SPAM! Not that many but more uploaded on my friendster. (:





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Afidah and I got like really bored. Mrs Lee treat was like not filling enough (cause I'm a hungry monster), so we decided to go to Hougang Mall. Guess to where? The most exciting place there... THE LIBRARY! I promise you, it was like fun. I havent read a proper book since the beginning of the year. It felt really good. & we met MARY AND WEIMIN who bought JONAS BROTHERS CD. We like screamed and squealed over the smallest of things. (: HEHE. LOVES. ♥

(Oh, suddenly I remembered. I SAW GGG a few days before. Almost died cause I couldn't believe that he would actually go to HOUGANG MALL of all places. WHY? WHY? ♥ HEHE!)

So, we went around looking for big bears and toys for we-know-who-but-not-you. (: We got a secret project to complete. HEHEHE. And so, we went to compass point. & met our PRIMARY SCHOOL MATES. HOUGANG PRIMARY PEOPLE. It was like a girls' night out. We were outside Pizza Hut when I called Joanne.

Me: Hi Joanne. Are you going to the class gathering today? (obviously, it was a 'yes' but I didn't know how to start)
Joanne: Yeap.
Me: You all at Rivervale Mall is it?
Joanne: We are at Compass Point Pizza Hut.

Guess what. Afidah and I were standing outside Pizza Hut. -.- FATE. And we ate pizza. GRACE treated us to swensens'. TOPLESS 5 was like indulgence. Probably cause I havent eaten there since....NEVER! Unless you include Career's Day. HEHE. It was cool cause we talked about a lot. & cracked out brains to figure out all the 38 people in 6.4. HAHA. GRACE IS LIKE SO AWESOME okay. She memorised people's chinese name. *dies* Unlike in polytechnic, almost everyone in your primary and secondary school live around the same area. So, all of us took the same bus home. (: HOW SWEET.

LOVES ♥