I don't know, maybe I do. But whatever it is, it's getting on my nerves. I get easily pissed and hurt recently and it stinks like no other business. Friday (and Thursday) s>cked to the core. It felt like...emptiness. or should the real word be: solitude. Cause I really felt like I didn't belong. Not in class, not in a group. No clique to cling on, no bestfriend to lean on, no nothing. Kept thinking about it during tutorial and I realised how true it was.

I havent had this feeling since secondary school and it took me a really long time to get back on my feet. But I had to brush it away because I know that it doesn't really matter to anyone else. When you die, you get buried in your coffin alone. Everyone is busy, too busy to care. What is with the saying, "A friend in need is a friend indeed." It's a one-way thing? You help another but when you feel like the scum of the universe, this "friend" just walks away to have lunch. Well then, I have many friends.

What would I do without you? (1) Maybe gone home and start mutilating my arm or (2) done a slightly less maladaptive behavior like going to the library to read and do my homework. With occasional suddent burst of tears and such. Probably I might get kicked out of the library for making the books wet or something. or (3) get another ear piercing or maybe an eyebrow piercing. GOSH.

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Thank you and sorry cause you waited in and (outside) the ladies.
Even though you had other matters to attend to.
Thank you and sorry for eating your ITAS food and chocolate.
Even though you were hungry too.
Thank you and sorry for doing the unimaginable (like crying) during lesson
& for being in my own zone & being late (yet again).
Even though you could have used the time for other more informative purposes.
Thank you and sorry for ignoring and tuning out your words.
Even though you could have talked to the wall and received more response.
Thank you and sorry for wasting your time.
Cause I know that someone needs you more than me.

Thank you for being so understanding.
Sorry for being such a pussy and crybaby.

I suck. (big time)