I promise I won't linger long online. Just needed the inspiration.

Anyhoos, got the sudden urge to read my old diary (from 2004) and wow, I didn't know how obsessed I was with this senior. I made a shrine of his name and all that lovesick shit that stupid girls do. No, I didn't engrave his name on a huge rock or anything. Just doodled on a piece of paper - his name x infinity. Plus, writing kiddy, silly poems.

But I must admit, reading through the diary did remind me of innocent memories of the past which normal non-diary-writing people might forget. It's sad really. Whatever happened to our innocence? I even have a whole entry of things I like in a guy (eg. tanned, cute smile, pretty eyes and spiky hair). HAHAHAHA. Funny how our taste change huh. I'm probably going to compile all of my diaries and blog posts and turn it into a bestselling book of some sort. (NOT!)

Extract from the bestselling book 'Huda is a nerd'

Dear diary,
The reason why I'm writing this is cause I'm just plain old bored. B-O-R-E-D, put it together and you'll get BORED. Surely you'll be bored reading this boring diary entry by a boring person feeling bored. You bored already? I just realised I wrote at least once the word bored/boring in each sentence. So, let me continue my boring story. Enjoy being bored! Why are you even reading this boring diary entry? Maybe cause you're bored too. Is there a way to stop/prevent boredom? I know one way is to go out with friends that are not boring. Reading a boring book won't help at all. Playing a boring computer game just bored me more. This boredom is making me hungry. Aiyoh! I guess I better end this now. Bye!

Wow, 5 years didn't make much of a difference huh.


Back to reality,

Huda.

I don't see the point in texting people about assignment now because Christmas is nearing and there are people who celebrate and well, they wouldn't give a damn. So, I'll wait until the 26th to tell them the shit amount of work that needs to be done.

5 possible reasons why one MUST go overseas during shit breaks like this

#1 People have no means of communicating with you and they wouldn't want to bug you. So all the dickheads staying in Singapore will do the worrying for you and do all your work, until you come back. Those suckers!

#2 Also, you get to go a different country (and unless you travel a lot), it's always something new to look at and eventually you might forget about stupid things that you left at home - the assignments, the boyfriend you want to break up with, the bestfriend who slept with your boyfriend (and possibly still is), your pet rock, your sorry excuse of a study table and, did I mention assignments?

#3 A means to shop and eat every and anything you want because you're overseas and apparently, it's cheaper or more worth it to buy it there. Just because it's overseas.

#4 Escaping from the painful fact that your life is seriously mundane and the only thing that makes you cooler than your peers is the fact that your blog is updated daily. And the posts are about being cool, and all the other things that socially-inclined people usually do not bother posting about.

#5 You get to dress-up, take photos, and tag yourself on your newly uploaded pictures on facebook. While your group mates slug it out trying to complete the motherfking assignment you didn't help with.

I'll set off on a new chase, I gotta see a new face, I need to take a holiday,

Huda.

Fig. 1 Yes, that poor creature has candy canes stabbed on his back.

Woke up exhausted today. You know, that feeling where you wake up feeling worse than when you went to sleep. Throbbing headache, muscle aching. And the weather is really cold nowadays. Finished a novel. Dressed up the laptop for the festive season (pls refer to Fig. 1).

Been out to see the world, got to dress-up (or at least brush the hair), eating out, judging people, wanted things (and as usual, not getting them), dying to shop - I need a simple black dress and a casual-meets-formal jacket and well, nothing much really. So little desires.

Things to do:
(1) Clear the study table - I can't tell my pens from my markers and my notes from my coloured paper PLUS I just got myself a shitload of pens and I need to find a place for them to dwell in style
(2) Start on holiday assignments - APIP, Abnormal Psy, Health Psy, Child Psy, Theater script and something-else-that-needs-to-be-done-but-I-cant-recall-now-or-maybe-im-just-making-this-up-but-i-dont-really-know-nor-care
(3) Eat cereal

I really hope that HMV will stock up on The Reason CDs. I'm so tired of going to their myspace page just to listen to them. I want them in my mp3! I want this album so badly right now and 'Ravenna' and 'The Brilliant Disguise' EP. HOLY CRAAAAP, NEW MUSIC.




Another wordy post (if you survived it, congrats to you),

Huda

Oh god, this gets me every time.

Busy week ahead. Yes, I have found myself a social life. My bitch of a friend (aka BOF) is still not back from overseas. And by the time she's back, it's the start of the school term. Balls. And I thought we could spend the holidays together watching Glee, baking cookies, sleeping, stoning, reading, weeping and the all-time favourite activity - bitching. Oh, need to start on holiday assignments soon. Will do up a to-do list when I'm free.

Aye, a picture:




This blog is so bloody wordy,

Huda.

The thing is, I don't know if this is what I really am supposed to be. I need to get past this identity formation stage already. Slowly, hopefully, surely.

And I did. And I hated it.
But I carried on, regretting, feeling sorry, helpless.
My heart felt so wasted. I'm wasted.
I've wasted this much time to realise I don't know you.
And I don't know who you've been hanging out with.
But I don't like it - you and him.
Whatever happened to us?
We used to be so perfect.
But not anymore.
Hell.

This two-week break sucks because the people I want to spend it with most, are either preoccupied with work and somebody else or they are overseas. I'm not sure which is worst. In need of a cosy company, urgent. That, and a social life. I could go blind any time soon from staring at the laptop screen and/or staring at a page of a novel for too long.

Oh, it's been 2 days since I last brushed my hair. But then again, I don't use the comb on a daily basis anyway. Dying to dress up for something so badly. Jan's party hurry come, sentosa outing hurry now. Bitch, come back to Singapore now. You, ask me out now. Another you, play tennis with me. Another you, do something, anything with me. You, you, you, you, you. Totally losing sanity from the extreme boredom.

Anyhoos, I have this crazy love for people with visible backbone. Like the picture below. It's unusually sexy. Oh, skinny people. You drive me crazy. And I'm dying of envy. Plus the fact that I'm losing sanity.




And the boredom continues,

Huda.

Today, me and my best friend made a pact, that on each of our weddings, we'd stand up, say: I'd like to make a toast, take out a toaster, put it on the table, wait for the toast to pop up, and sit down casually. I can't wait. MLIA


My life is too boring to turn it into a post,

Huda

I seriously want to read this novel/book or whatever the hell it is. It's so, me. And when I find a quiet, shady spot, I'll sit there for hours just indulging every single letter, phrase, sentence, paragraph and chapter. I'd really like that - the feeling of escapism you get from reading novels. And really, I need to escape from this crazy world.

And the two week break is not a holiday. There are still assignments due. I promise myself I am going to finish my to-do list today, and I will, just give me the time of day to escape from it all. An hour or two. Screw it, I'm going to the library.

This blog is really emotionally challenged. I must be jaded.

I really wish I had a twin. Or just someone who knows what I'm feeling but doesn't express it as maladaptively as I do. I don't care what gender, as long as that person is emotionally stable. I need a rock, with a soft but firm center. I need somebody to tell me that it's okay to screw up but you know that I can do it. I need you to just stick by me, let me know you're there, and you genuinely care. I need someone who can give me ideas, who is creative, who expresses well with words. You gave me colour, you gave me happiness. And your presence just eases my troubled heart.

I used to think you as my rock. But, you're just a rock.

And I'm just a control freak who is ironically losing control of life.



Get a grip,

Self.

I need this right now.

The body is failing me right now. The weather is so cold, I'm wearing a sweater at home. Aches every where. My attention span is 30 mins flat or less, have to lay in bed before I get a headache. So out of touch with the world, like everybody is so distant. It's sick.

Funny, I'm sweating now. The house is a complete mess. I can't focus. Was about to make a list because it's the only that's going to keep me sane and at least I feel like I have some sort of control over my life. Shall do that after I'm done acting needy. Am excessively worrying about homework, not the future. I have no plans for the future, in fact, I have thoughts of dying young because it feels as though I have nothing to give life.

Bye world. Going to turn in early, I can't save the gpa anymore. I'm not going to try just to disappoint myself more. Am tired of hoping, feeling like it's actually going well, and when the results come out, it's not. I have failed, and the whole world is going to celebrate and I can't bear to listen to their happy cheers. Screw this.